[Tea] Action or Attitude?

Welcome to "Tea with Julie," a weekly missive by me, Julie Bogart. My wish is to give you food for thought over a cup of tea to enhance your life as an educator, parent, and awesome adult. Glad you're here. Pinkies up!
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Cincinnati, September 24, 2022

Hi Friend,

Now that you’ve taken a much-needed break and discovered that the roof didn’t cave in from a day of neglect, you are ready for the next steps.

Here we go: You can’t coerce the action AND the attitude.

Most of us want our kids to not only DO the thing, but to be happy about it! Sorry. You only get to pick one: the action they resist or their pleasure in doing what they prefer.

If you make your kids do an action they don’t want to do, they will depend on you to:

carry the energy to remember,
do it well,
be consistent,
be on time.

Ask yourself: How many activities in your child’s life are you willing to monitor and direct without their corresponding enthusiasm? (My guess: if you’re directing all day long, you’re growing resentful.)

The truth is:

Our children can handle about 2-3 requirements from us per day without wilting. So, which things are the most important? Get that list down to a few essentials. Everything else? Negotiable.

Change how you approach the rest of the stuff.

“Child of my heart, I love it when beds are made, clothing is in the hamper, and dishes make it to the dishwasher. Which of those three do you like least, best? Which do you want to skip forever?”

Ask for help. Offer help. Share the task. Leave a note. Do the thing twice a week rather than every day. Skip the awful thing for a month. Ask what your child would prefer to do to the odious chore. Prepare for trips out of the house the night before. Ask your child to do one thing now, wait for child to complete, then the next thing.

Lastly: let them know you have needs/feelings too. Be honest and flexible, kind and firm, responsive and creative.

Drop resentment. And care less.

Warmly,

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